Day 10

Yesterday would have been our 10th day of sex, but unfortunately nature intervened and I got my period. In fact I woke up with pain in the tummy, which made me rush to the bathroom. There had been a few times in my life where I felt the familiar dizziness, cold sweat accompanied by a tummy pain. A couple of those times I passed out for a moment. It was the same thing. Even after going to the bathroom I was generally feeling ill so I rested, reading and watching Casablanca.

When the night came I had little motivation to even try. I stroked his dick a few times, then went to bed. I'd like to count it as having sex, but it really couldn't meet even the minimal standards of sex. We decided to give ourselves the days off while I am having my period. Interestingly though, he suggested we do it every other day even after this month of sex is over. I was very surprised. He could barely do once every two weeks until now. Maybe he's realizing that it's not such a big deal to have sex even everyday. When I asked him why he'd like to do that he said it would be like bribing me. For what?? I wondered. Out Loud. He thinks monogamy is impossible and having sex with someone else is inevitable.

Some women gloat that their men would never cheat or that their fathers never cheated. I might have been one of them. But in reality a man that is desirable is rarely left alone. Women will always flock to them trying to seduce them, some in blatant manner, some feigning innocence. So the question comes down to -- Do I want to be with a man that is not too desirable therefore will only care for me? or Do I want a man that is very desirable and will always have women that will try for his attention? Contentment with boredom OR Excitement with uncertainty? That is the question.

My conclusion is -- I do not trust men because I do not trust women. Very few men act on nothing. Most men are tranquil until a bait has been laid before them, in which case almost all men are programmed by nature to bite the bait. The quality of the bait is merely an afterthought.

Day 9

I've been generally depressed, and that affected the way I started seeing this 30-day sexercise. He was reading about some new camera on his forum, and I was reading a book I had just started(still one of the only things that gives me uncontaminated pleasure). He begged again not to do it, and inside I wish I could just skip a day too. But I insisted, half-heartedly this time, that we must complete the mission.

What has been pleasantly surprising is that his dick never failed to get it up with me. I know he's had that problem in the past with some people. So it is reassuring. Anyway, he got it inside me, and practically had sex half asleep, then he pulled out, and we happily went to bed. It was the first sleep sex I ever had. Anyway, so I guess we sort of cheated, but technically we had sex, and so we continue onto the 10th day.

Day 8

Last night we had our 8th day of non-stop sex. During the day I was glum, mildly depressed and my pee seemed to have a faint hue of orange, which concerned me. I worried that Q's disregard for personal hygiene might have given me something unsavory.

Before the day was over I went to the gym again and did some cardio at the bike station and some toning exercises to turn my behind into iron butts(Q's favorite part of my body). All the while reading Wine for Dummies. This was a pretty good book. Not for dummies at all. Very straightforward and without the typical wine snob talk.

When I came back from the gym, Q seemed to sense my determination to have sex, since sex and working out were going hand-in-hand for me. I wasn't going to skip a day of sex nor a day of working out. Regardless, he protested again. But he really protested this time. He said he was feeling aches all over and therefore could not see how he could do it. I told him that we must do it no matter what. Like reaching the Mt. Everest we have to keep on climbing until we reach the summit, which is reaching the 30th day of continuous sex. The truth is this whole thing has taken on another meaning for me, apart from curing us of our ennui. It was a way of disciplining myself and setting a deadline and finishing it no matter what. I explained this to him , yet he was reluctant. He did seem really exhausted. When he would not budge I turned my back to him and made it know I was very disappointed. How can he be inspired to do anything when I am acting like this, he said. I guess he's right.

After a moment of consideration he told me he'd try. He pushed through from the same lazy man's spooning position, and went on for a while. So long that I started to wonder when it was going to be over. Then he pulled out and was about to finish himself off. I reached down and noticed blood. He seems to always usher in my period when he penetrates me. I ran to the bathroom and cleaned myself. He didn't finish himself off and turned to go to bed. Maybe he was mad at me. He said he's abused by me. There is some truth to that. I was grateful that he had obliged despite being tired. Oddly I felt a great sense of trust and protection. I scratched his head and stroked his back, which he always appreciates. Then we went to bed.

I decided to quit smoking too.

June- A month of sex

It's been over a year since I wrote anything on this blog. Time really flies. So much has happened in the past year. Most of it I don't care to elaborate. I had my heart broken, and the event profoundly disappointed me. I thought, this is how people turn into cynics. I would say the past year is a lost year. I lost a part of me and a lot of faith in him. The 'him' in question, I'll just call him Q, as all certainties about him have now turned into questions. A long story short - we were in love, unbelievably in love, then we had a bad time, my fault too, but mostly his fault. Even in good times we weren't having too much sex, like once or twice a month, maybe three. I was never happy about it, but I felt that it was the best he could do. After all, he didn't sleep with his last girlfriend for the last three years out of three-and-a-half. No sex at all. Of course, in those years he was going out a lot, and got it elsewhere. Even the one before that one, his appetite for sex pretty much died down. He was almost proud that our sex was still going, albeit at a snail pace now. So there was little sex, but I had full faith in him so the dissatisfaction was on the low.

Then sometime last year, we had a huge problem, big enough to make me want to leave him. We spent some time apart, and our sex was pretty much dead. Before this we had never gone a whole month without having sex. I am a low maintenance girl when it comes to sex, but I do see sex as a bellwether for the future of the relationship. It it wanes, then a relationship cannot sustain itself.

So, by the end of May, it had been 10 weeks we had gone without it. I've been keeping a track of our sex frequencies ever since I first noticed a slight decline. Some time ago I had read a New York Times article about two couples that went on a 365 days marathon sex in order to cure themselves of the ennui that had set in in their marriages. I proposed that we do this for the month of June - 30 days to be exact. I had long suspected that it wasn't that he was repulsed by the idea of of doing it, (he had told me that he found himself repulsed by the idea of having sex with his last girlfriend) but rather it was becoming awkward as more time lapsed between the acts, and he was made more self-conscious about the effort he'd have to make. I thought having mandated sex would resolve that. It was something we had to do, like working out or whatever. He gasped at first, then laughed, but agreed nonetheless. So we started on June 1st for our monthlong journey in the bedroom.

Day 1 - Basic stuff, he did the lazy man's sex by spooning me. He came. He was squeamish at first, but got over it quickly.

Day 2 - I had to take a cab home after a dinner party. It was past 1 AM. He protested a little, but I told him we must do it. Same stuff, Can't remember whether he came or no. I had to give him a hand job.

Day 3 - In the afternoon, he stormed into my little room and said, "Let's do it now." We were both going out later so he thought better to do it then. We hadn't had sex in the afternoon in a long time. It was good, basic.

Day 4 - We all went out again, came home late and did it. Spooning mostly. A little hand job. Can't remember if he came or not.

Day 5 - We went out. I came home around 11 and went to bed. He came home past 3 AM. I woke up and we did it. Basic stuff.

Day 6 - I was feeling amazed at the success of this venture so far. Definitely good for our relationship. A couple of friends I had told were impressed that we kept it up so far.

Day 7 - Again, he begged for a break, the 7th day, a god's day off, but I prevailed. We were both really tired. I wanted to go to sleep too, but I knew that if we gave up then it would demoralize both of us. He was so exhausted I was just giving him a hand job. I took his hand on my left breast. He squeezed it super hard. I wanted to cheat and call this a day too. Sleep beckoned me, but then something happened. He suddenly pushed my face into his dick. I hadn't given him a blow job for a very very long time. Then he started to face fuck me violently. I was gagging and felt like I couldn't breathe. With his other hand he started fingering me in the ass. We went at it like this for a while, but he was too exhausted to come. I was really surprised by this sudden 'attack.' It reminded me of our sex in the beginning of our relationship. I think it's a good thing. I am really curious how this will turn out now.